Scott is the breadwinner, but it's Farfel's schedule that rules. He needs four walks a day. He doesn't have to have four walks; he's happy with fewer as long as he can eliminate in the house. So, to rephrase, Farfel needs four walks a day if he is to be expected not to eliminate in the house. But even four walks is not ironclad insurance against accidents. Here's the schedule:

Since Farfel lives on the fifth floor, and since he can't always be trusted not to soil the elevator or the lobby, he gets carried downstairs and set down on the ground to do his business. Unlike some dogs, who have a favorite spot, however, Farfel is an equal opportunity pooper. He goes wherever he wants, and with precious little warning. On the grass, on the sidewalk, in Scott's secretary's lap, on his Oriental rug, in the elevator, on the front steps...these are just a few of the places where it has happened.

Molly, Farfel's old walking buddy, was always good for a tussle on the lawn. She's been a great friend, and all that roughhousing around usually got  him "moving," if you get the drift.

Farfel was a pitch dog for his dog walking service, Quadrupeds, before it went out of business in 2004. He vigorously disputes the assertion that there was any cause and effect there. Now it's Renee from a company called Zoolatry who delights Farfel with walks, rolls in the grass and spirited games of fetch at midday. Problem is, he has come to expect similar service from Scott at 6 a.m. before his morning coffee, when this quadruped really ought to count his blessings if he doesn't accidentally get stepped on.